


Luke Skywalker's Jedi Temple: You're Already Accepted!

by andabatae



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Community AU, Did I make my life harder by doing this in canon? Yes., E for Eventually, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Kylo Ren is Jeff Winger, Luke Skywalker's Jedi Temple is Greendale Community College, Poe Dameron knows he's in a fanfic, Rey is Annie but also kinda Britta, Snoke is Pierce, Snoke is a harmless old man honestly, canon-divergent, not honestly he is the worst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-09-01 02:51:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20250958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andabatae/pseuds/andabatae
Summary: Ben Solo is doing just fine as a diplomat for the Galactic Republic. Too bad he forged his college credentials.When his deception is discovered, Ben is forced to enroll in Luke Skywalker's Jedi Temple to attain his missing degree. There, he meets an odd group of students and staff who might (or might not) teach him the value of honesty... unless the dark side of the Force claims him first.





	1. Advanced Introduction to Ethics

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Trish47](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trish47/gifts).
**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay [Trish47!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trish47) What a fun prompt. I hope you like it! 😘
> 
> Thank you times A BAJILLION to [here4thereylo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/here4thereylo/works) for being my expert Community consultant and beta reader!
> 
> As is probably clear, the prompt was the TV show Community.

_ First Day of School - 33 ABY _

Ben Solo stood at the edge of a courtyard surrounded by stone huts of various sizes and structural integrity. He stared at the banner overhead, feeling a sinking sensation in the pit of his stomach.

_ Luke Skywaker’s Jedi Temple is for Everyone! _The slogan was mirrored by an unfortunate logo that was either a Jedi holding a lightsaber or a man with an outrageously large erection.

He cursed under his breath. How had he ended up at his crazy uncle’s Force community college at the age of 28, after a solid decade of avoiding anything to do with all that Jedi nonsense?

Well, he knew how.

Apparently, forging his Chandrila University transcripts in order to get a position as a diplomat for the New Republic was considered “unethical” and “illegal” behavior. The Senator—his own _ mother—_had terminated his position and instructed him that the only way he’d ever salvage his career was to earn a degree. And, because she was his boss, she got to stipulate where.  
  
“It’ll be good for you,” Leia Organa had told him. “Luke can teach you all about ethics and responsibility.”

Ben’s childhood memories of his uncle Luke had been light on “ethics and responsibility” and heavy on “drinks weird green milkshakes and mumbles to himself.” He didn’t have high hopes for this educational experience, but at least the Jedi Temple offered a two-year Jedi Associate’s degree. If everything went as planned and Ben found a promising student to cheat off of, he would be back on the path to political success in no time.

A reptilian biped with bulbous eyes strode into the middle of the courtyard, raised a severed Reek horn to his lips, and blew. The alarming loud “Awhooooooooo” echoed off the buildings, and the courtyard was suddenly filled with students of all ages.

Ben adjusted the strap of his travel bag over his shoulder and wondered if it was too late to run.

“Excuse me,” a gorgeously accented voice said behind him. “You’re blocking the thoroughfare.”

“So go around me,” Ben shot back, turning to face the unwelcome irritant. “It’s not...” His voice trailed away.

The woman was tall, with delicate features and chestnut hair tied back in three buns. Her ragged clothes highlighted a slender yet athletic build.

She was absolutely _ gorgeous _.

“Huh,” he said.

Her scowl was a thing of glory. “Are you just going to stand there? Don’t you have somewhere to be?”

Ben might be lazy and unethical, but he was also Han Solo’s son… wait, no, those were one and the same. Luckily, he’d also inherited a sliver of his smuggler father’s charm. He smiled rakishly and ran a hand through his silky black hair. He conditioned religiously, and he knew the ladies liked his luscious locks. “Actually, I was hoping you could help me with that, sweetheart—”

“Sweetheart?” She recoiled, wrinkling her nose like she’d smelled something foul. “That’s hardly an appropriate way to address a stranger.”

“I’m new here.” Ben pressed on doggedly. “I don’t know where to go.”

The woman pointed at a peaked building on the opposite side of the courtyard. “The administration office is there. Now, if you don’t mind…”

Ben stepped out of her way and bowed. “My apologies for impeding your progress, sw—er, miss. It was a pleasure to meet you. I’m Ben, by the way. Ben Solo.”

He gave her his best smirk (Smirk #1, Confident Charm), but the name apparently meant nothing to her, because she just rolled her eyes. “I’m Rey,” she said, “and I have somewhere to be.” She brushed past him, but at least her abrupt dismissal gave Ben a view of a phenomenal backside.

Suddenly, two years at Luke Skywaker’s Jedi Temple didn’t sound so bad.

\-----

An hour later, Ben had been assigned a room in student housing down the hill from the main campus, and C-3PO, the school’s unofficial ambassador and resident etiquette teacher, had given him a far-too-detailed tour.

Unfortunately, that tour ended at Luke Skywalker’s office. It was a small, cluttered room, filled with dying plants, ancient-looking tomes, and bizarre motivational posters. _ Hang In There! _ one poster advised, the text superimposed over an image of a man dangling from a weather vane. _ Never do anything HALFWAY _ announced a poster that showed both halves of a severed corpse tumbling down a reactor shaft.

“Ben!” His uncle beamed at him from behind the desk. “What a surprise!”

Ben’s brow furrowed. “It can’t be that much of a surprise, since I submitted an application and my mother spoke to you in the Force.”

Luke waved a dismissive hand. “Oh, I don’t look at applications. We have a little saying here. ‘Welcome to Luke Skywalker’s Jedi Temple: You’re Already Accepted!’”

“Oh.” That was… not great for Ben’s elitism. “And Leia’s messages?”

Luke sighed and closed his eyes, tilting his head towards the ceiling. “It’s so interesting, being tied to someone else’s mind. You forget what’s real and what’s just wish-fulfillment. Like that time Leia and I kissed…”

Ben nearly tripped over himself as he staggered away from Luke’s desk. “Never mind,” he interjected in a higher-pitched voice. “It doesn’t matter... but also, _ no, _ that is awful. Um, can we talk about my courses, instead?”

“Sure!” Luke took a swig of some green drink that definitely smelled… well, not entirely legal. He shoved a piece of paper across the desk. “Here’s your schedule.”

The classes were… well, they were something.

_ Introduction to the Force: What Is It and Why and What and How?? - Taught by Prof. Skywalker _

_ Advanced Introduction to Ethics - Taught by Prof. Holdo _

_ Light: Better Than Dark? (Yes) - Taught by Prof. Skywalker _

_ Contemplative Basketweaving - Taught by Prof. Chewbacca _

_ Force Combat for Fun, Profit, and General Awesomeness - Taught by Prof. Skywalker _

_ Fashion Design for Beginners - Taught by Prof. Hux _

Ben stared blankly at the schedule. “I don’t want to learn fashion design. Or whatever the fuck Contemplative Basketweaving is.”

“Oh!” C-3PO perked up in the corner, eyes flashing with what what was probably excitement at getting to share more pedantic facts. “Since most students aren’t Force-sensitive, classes were added that will allow everyone to experience the peace of meditation without needing to—”

“Hold on,” Ben interjected. “What do you mean, most of the students aren’t Force-sensitive? This is a Jedi Temple.”

“A Jedi Temple for everyone!” Luke beamed, spreading his arms wide. “I don’t like to discriminate. And, ah—” He took another slurp of the green drink—“the extra tuition money is helpful.”

Ben stared at him, flabbergasted. “This is a Force academy, but you’re taking money from people who aren’t connected to the Force?”

Luke shrugged. “Hey, my dad massacred most of the galaxy’s Force users. Might as well have a well-rounded student body. And besides, we need the tuition money for…” His eyes shifted to the side and what looked like a gold-enameled hookah. “Admin. Teacher salaries and campus maintenance and... such.”

“Campus maintenance,” Ben echoed. Most of the stone huts on campus looked like they were about to fall down, and he was certain he’d seen a womp rat in the men’s dormitory. “Uncle Luke, are you sure—”

“Oh, there’s the horn!” Luke shot to his feet. “Time to teach class!”

Ben hadn’t heard a thing, and he was pretty sure he was still in possession of his faculties. He watched bemusedly as Luke gathered an armful of random papers, then fled the room.

Ben looked at C-3PO. “Is this normal around here?”

C-3PO bustled forward with stiff, fussy motions. “‘Normal’ is a highly subjective term, which implies some predictability in behavior, and—”

Ben groaned and buried his face in his hands. “Never mind. Just… tell me where to go next.”

\-----

_ Advanced Introduction to Ethics _ was terrible.

For starters, Professor Amilyn Holdo was extremely intense, and for some reason, she kept glowering at Ben. He wasn’t sure what he’d done to piss the purple-haired woman off, but she clearly hated him.

Then there was the awful moment when she’d said, “Murder, yes or no? Ben Solo, what do you think?”

He’d replied, quite reasonably, “Depends on the context. Can you clarify?”

Apparently, that was an incorrect answer in Advanced Introduction to Ethics.

Ben sat alone in the cafeteria afterwards, having received a scathing lecture on the failings of men who were okay with murder and also didn’t speak to their mothers enough.

To his surprise, two students approached him. The men were similar heights, but one looked cheerfully wholesome, while the other exuded an air of barely-restrained carnality. “Hey,” the wholesome one said with a smile. “You’re new here, right?”

“Right.” Ben stared at them suspiciously, unable to determine what they wanted.

They sat down across from him in unison. “I’m Finn,” the wholesome one said, then jerked a thumb at his friend. “And that’s Poe.”

“I’m an Erotic Literature and Fanfiction major,” Poe announced.

Ben squinted at him. “What? This is a Jedi Temple.”

“Luke allows us to create our own degrees,” Poe said, digging happily into his meal. “It’s helpful for the non-Force sensitives.”

“Are there…” Ben cleared his throat. “Are there classes devoted to erotic literature?” If so, he really, really hoped Luke didn’t teach them.

“It’s mostly self-guided study. Professor R2-D2’s been providing me with a lot of resources, though.” He grinned and waggled his eyebrows. “I’m happy to share.”

“No, thank you.” The last thing Ben wanted was to learn what erotica preferences this strange man had in common with a droid. “And you?” he asked Finn. “Are you majoring in something equally ridiculous?”

“Ooh,” Poe said, leaning in to study Ben more closely. “He’s a snarky one. Definite leading man potential, depending on the narrative arc.”

There was no way to respond to such a bizarre statement, so Ben ignored it and raised an inquisitive eyebrow towards Finn.

“I’m majoring in Sanitation Sciences,” Finn announced with more enthusiasm than Ben thought was warranted, all things considered. “I’m going to be the best sanitation scientist the galaxy has ever seen!”

Force preserve him, what had Ben gotten himself into? He rubbed his forehead, already getting a headache at the thought of spending the next two years surrounded by the types of people who applied to a Jedi Temple with no admissions standards in order to study erotica and waste management. “You want to be a janitor.”

Finn scowled. “Excuse me, there’s a lot more to Sanitation Sciences than cleaning up after people. It involves—”

“I’m sure you’re about to launch into a very interesting lecture,” Ben said, standing and grabbing his tray, “but I have somewhere else to be. Literally anywhere else.”

“Oooh,” Poe whispered to himself. “He has ‘redemption arc’ written all over him.” He started scribbling something in his notebook.

Ben rolled his eyes and left the room, determined to find some way out of this hellish school.

\-----

His day improved when he spotted the gorgeous woman from earlier, Rey, sitting outside one of the huts and meditating. A pebble floated in front of her.

Ben plopped down next to her. “Finally, another Force user. I thought I was going to be surrounded by nothing but imbeciles for the next two years.”

The pebble tumbled to the ground, and Rey opened her eyes and glared at him. “That’s not very nice.”

He shrugged. “Nice is relative. Can you believe this place? A Jedi temple that lets in absolutely anyone, even the weird sort of people who want to study trashy romance and _ literal _ garbage—”

Her jaw dropped. “Are you talking about Poe and Finn?”

He chuckled. “Yeah, you know them? I just wasted most of my lunch talking to them—”

“Poe and Finn are two of my best friends,” she said in an icy tone.

Ben hurriedly backtracked. “Sorry, I misspoke. What I meant to say is that I wasted most of my lunch _ not _talking to them. I only got a few minutes to hear about their weird...ly fascinating majors!”

She crossed her arms and huffed. “Why are you talking to me?”

“Want to go get some caf?” He pushed a hand through his tousled black hair in a way he knew looked cool. He’d practiced it in front of a mirror for hours, after all.

“No. I have to study.” She stood up, clearly about to abandon him.

Ben shot to his feet, wondering how, exactly, he was going to salvage this. “I have a study group,” he blurted. At her disbelieving look, he shrugged, trying to look simultaneously bashful, smug, and sexy. “Yeah, I’m kind of an expert in Ethics, so I figured I’d offer my services to anyone who needed tutoring. I’m just that kind of guy, you know?”

She eyed him skeptically. “Didn’t you get here this morning?”

“Yep! Already making friends.” He smirked at her again: Smirk #2, Subtle Innuendo (also practiced at length in front of a mirror). He was gratified when her eyes flicked down to his lips. “Anyway, want to join?”

“Sure,” she said, surprising him. “What time and where?”

Ben felt the urge to fist-pump at having successfully lured Rey into going on a date with him—obviously the other members of the study group would be _ indisposed— _but he resisted. “An hour from now? In the library?”

“You don’t sound sure about that.”

“An hour from now,” he repeated more firmly. Then, feeling daring, he grabbed her hand and pressed a kiss to the back of it. “I look forward to it, sw—Rey.”

As she tugged her hand out of his grip, he could have sworn he saw a spark of mischief in her eyes. “I can’t wait. I’m sure it’s going to be very... edifying.”

\-----

Ben strolled into the library an hour later, ready to commence his seduction of Rey, then abruptly stopped in his tracks.

Six people sat at the stone table in the center of the small library: Rey, Poe, Finn, a short woman with black hair, a scarred, creepy-looking humanoid male, and a tiny alien female with enormous glasses.

“Wait, what?” he asked, coming to a halt.

“I hope you don’t mind that I invited more people to the study group,” Rey said, beaming at him. “It’s so nice of you to organize this.”

“Uh. Yes. My… my pleasure.”

Kriff, how had this gone so wrong?

“Where are the other members of the study group?” Rey asked innocently. “Are they going to join us?”

“No, they were… detained. Significantly.” Ben’s eyes darted around the room as he tried to formulate a plan. There weren’t any windows, otherwise he probably would have thrown himself out of one. Maybe he could fake a heart attack...

“Well?” the tiny woman asked. “Are you going to teach us about ethics?”

“Let’s do introductions first,” Ben said, stalling for time. “Everyone state your name and, uh, general thoughts about good and evil.”

Rey went first, and Ben suppressed a wince when she informed him that good and evil were pretty clear-cut concepts and people should always strive to do the right thing. Finn agreed with her, of course—and Ben definitely didn’t like how close the two of them seemed or how widely Rey smiled when Finn backed her up.

Poe didn’t have any thoughts on good and evil as concepts, but he did think questions like this were an excellent way to illustrate the major differences between characters and establish one of the conflicts that would need to be overcome en route to a Happily Ever After. He grinned at Ben, somehow managing to look both unhinged and oddly seductive. “Way to state the themes of the piece upfront, buddy,” he said, biting his lower lip.

“Right,” Ben said. “Let’s just move on, shall we?

The woman with black hair that flipped out at the ends was Rose, a Social Justice and Animal Rights major who had _ very _ vehement thoughts about the horrible sort of people who violated others’ free will. Luckily, her impassioned, impromptu speech on the rights of fathiers was interrupted by the bespectacled alien, who offered Rose some kind of baked good from an enormous bag.

“My name is Maz,” the tiny female said, “and I’m majoring in Psychic Powers and Culinary Arts.” She sighed. “Through the ages, I've seen evil take many forms. It will always recur, but we must fight it every time.”

The study group stared at her in alarm. “Through the ages?” Finn asked disbelievingly. “How old are you?”

She gave him a secretive smile. “A good question.”

Kriff, Ben really was surrounded by lunatics. He cleared his throat. “And our last member?”

The tall, gaunt alien with the scarred cheek leaned forward. “Snoke,” he said, staring at Ben with disturbingly rapacious interest. “I have no thoughts on good or evil. I’m just a nice, harmless old man.”

Ben eyed the twisted leer and sparkly gold robe and decided he didn’t want to know more about this Snoke person. “Great. Well, glad we could chat about good and evil. Now, if you’ll excuse me—”

Rey shot to her feet. “You can’t leave. You’re supposed to teach us about ethics.”

Ben started backing away towards the door. “I think if today’s exercise has taught us anything, it’s that ethics and morals are highly personal, and the best way to study them is to interrogate your own soul.”

Rey stalked towards him. She stopped right in front of him and drilled her finger into his chest. “There isn’t a study group, is there? And you aren’t an expert on ethics, just an obnoxious, conceited stoopa trying to get laid.” Her eyes narrowed. “Well, you don’t fool me, Ben Solo, and I’m not the type of girl who falls into bed just because of a pair of pretty eyes and some stupidly nice hair.”

“There it is,” Poe said, elbowing Finn. “You see what the author’s doing? She’s slipping a hint of sexual attraction into their first fight. Classic enemies to lovers.”

“Dude, what are you talking about?” Finn asked, looking baffled.

Poe leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. “Never mind.”

“Fine!” Ben said, throwing up his hands in exasperation. “No, I’m not an expert in ethics, and yes, I thought you were really pretty and wanted to get to know you better. What’s the big deal? It was just a harmless little lie—”

“Careful, young Solo,” Maz said, appearing so abruptly at his elbow that he jumped in alarm. She slipped a cookie into his hand. “Harmless little lies accumulate and become larger lies, and soon you’ll find yourself trapped in the web of your own deception.”

“What’s the big deal?” Snoke asked. “It seems perfectly reasonable to me. He wanted something, so he tried to take it. Nothing wrong with that.”

Ben shot the older man a grateful look, revising his opinion of Snoke. At least he had one ally in the room.

“Well, I’m not impressed,” Rey said. “Ben, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

He gaped at her. “Are you kicking me out of my own study group?”

“You don’t have a study group! You have a group of strangers who barely know you and whose first impression of you is that you’re a horrible person, an amoral liar, and an unrepentant womanizer.”

“Hey,” he protested, “I’m not a womanizer.”

“Go away, Ben.” Rey turned her back on him and headed back to the table. The other group members took their cues from her and started ignoring Ben—except for Snoke, who shrugged sympathetically.

Ben clenched his fists at his sides, feeling the familiar burn of anger rising in his chest. Kriff, he hated being made to feel inadequate. “Fine,” he said bitterly. “Kick me out. Tell me I’m horrible and unwanted—Force knows it’s nothing I haven’t heard a million times before. My teachers, my coworkers, my own family…” He shook his head. “Some things never change.”

His eyes burned, but he refused to let these self-righteous nerf herders see him cry, so he stormed out. He was better off alone, anyway.

\-----

Ben sat on a hill overlooking campus and contemplated his miserable, lonely existence. Appropriately for his mood, it had started to rain.

“Nothing ever changes,” he muttered to himself as the rain slicked his hair to his head. “I’m the same awkward, awful person I’ve always been. Of course she didn’t want to get caf with me or study with me or, kriff, even talk to me.”

Two more years of this. Two years of moping and skulking in corners, hiding from the judgmental eyes of his peers. He sighed heavily, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes. Why did everything he attempted to do go so terribly wrong?

“Ben?”

The hesitant female voice came from behind him. He turned, hardly daring to believe his ears.

Rey stood a short distance away, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot. Her hair was heavy with rain, and her clothes were plastered to her skin in a very distracting way that Ben did his best not to be distracted by.

“What?” he asked, fully aware that he sounded like a sulky child.

She bit her lip. “You said some things back there that were a little upsetting.”

He groaned and buried his head in his hands. “I know, I know. I’m a huge, awful, lying laser brain. You didn’t need to hunt me down just to yell at me more.”

“Not that. What you said about everyone saying you’re horrible. That made me… sad.”

He looked up, baffled by her tone. She sounded sympathetic, and, yeah, that was definitely some sort of pity in her eyes. “It’s true, though,” he said, almost defensively. “I’m awkward and awful, and I never do the right thing, and half the time I can’t even tell what the right thing is.” He gestured at her. “Obviously.”

Rey extended her hand, staring at him expectantly. He hesitated for a few confused moments before taking it, and she hauled him to his feet with a surprising amount of strength for such a slender woman. After she dropped his hand, he could still feel the warmth of her fingers on his skin.

“Come on,” she said. “Let’s go rejoin the study group.”

And just like that, Ben Solo became part of a community for the first time in his life.


	2. Flirting for the Socially Oblivious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to [here4thereylo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/here4thereylo/works) for being my expert Community consultant and beta reader!

Over the next few months, the study group fell into a comfortable routine. Sure, there were awkward tensions within the group—Rose’s tendency to argue with Snoke about the ethical treatment of animals, Rey’s tendency to argue with Snoke about the ethical treatment of people, Maz’s tendency to argue with Snoke about basically everything—but overall, it was helpful to have people to study with.

To Ben’s surprise, not all of the classes were a colossal waste of time. Luke included the history of the Jedi Order in his _ Introduction to the Force _ class, which made it far more interesting than Ben had expected. Same with _ Advanced Introduction to Ethics_—while Professor Holdo still found Ben’s nonchalant attitude towards murder annoying, she’d relaxed a bit now that she knew Ben was in (infrequent) contact with his mother.

Senator Organa had immediately discovered Ben’s formation of a study group, since she had a network of spies and an unholy love of meddling. She was, predictably, thrilled. It was almost enough to make Ben want to abandon the study group, but something held him back.

Rey.

He stared at her across Professor Holdo’s classroom, mesmerized by her every movement. Rey’s forehead was slightly furrowed as she scribbled notes—Luke made them write on paper, for some ludicrous reason—and periodically she stopped to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear. The fall of sunlight through the cracked window brought out the warm tones in her hair and skin. She seemed to glow, like the physical embodiment of warmth.

“Ben?”

His head snapped back to the front of the classroom, where Professor Holdo was scowling at him. “What?”

“Yes or no?” Holdo asked.

He had a fifty-fifty shot at getting the right answer, and Han Solo would have told him to ignore the odds, anyway, so Ben committed. “Yes. Definitely yes.”

Holdo's smile looked a little smug. “Perfect. I’m so glad you volunteered to take Jessika’s position. You’ll be partnering with Rey, since she signed up last week.”

_ Wait, what? _ Ben looked around the classroom, hoping someone could enlighten him as to what he’d just volunteered for. The only clue was that Rey was now glaring at him.

“You’ll be defending the viewpoint that sentient beings are inherently evil,” Holdo continued. “Kaydel and Snap will be arguing the reverse.”

Rey’s hand shot up. “Excuse me,” she said in that gorgeous accent, which sounded even sexier when she was pissy. “I don’t believe that, so I can’t argue it.”

“That’s the point of this debate,” Holdo said. “It’s an exercise in crafting a convincing argument, whether or not you personally believe the viewpoint you’re defending.” She smirked at Ben. “Besides, I’m sure your partner will be a great help.”

Ben’s stomach plummeted as he realized he’d just signed up for a debate. _ Kriff_. He was proficient at public speaking—he’d had to be, in a political career—but he hated it. His skin crawled every time he had to stand in front of people.

On the plus side, he now had an excuse to spend more time with Rey—and just like that, Ben’s mood improved considerably.

\-----

Rey swung her quarterstaff at his head. “How dare you?”

He ducked and blocked with his own practice sword. “How dare I what?”

_ Force Combat for Fun, Profit, and General Awesomeness _ was Ben’s favorite class. He and Rey were the only Force sensitives at the Jedi Temple, which meant twice a week he got an uninterrupted hour with her. And Luke Skywalker, of course, but right now the old man was ‘meditating’—a.k.a. snoring softly—on a nearby rock.

Rey scowled. “I told the entire study group I wanted to team up with Finn or Rose after Jessika dropped out with a fever. Why did you volunteer? If you hadn’t done that, I’m sure Holdo would have let us defend goodness.”

He ripped her quarterstaff out of her hands with the Force, and Rey ran to retrieve it. “I doubt that. She knows the three of you are naive moralists. Defending good wouldn’t have been a challenge for you the way this debate will be.”

She bared her teeth at him, which Ben found wildly arousing. “You’re an ethically-compromised ass, Solo.”

“Which is exactly who you should want on your team when defending evil.” Unable to resist, he waggled his brows at her. “I’m more than willing to teach you how to compromise your ethics.”

The Force pulled his feet out from under him, and Ben crashed to the ground so hard it knocked the wind out of him. He gasped and choked as Rey brought her quarterstaff to his neck. “If this was a saberstaff,” she said, grinning a bit maniacally, “you’d be dead.”

She turned and stalked away, leaving Ben wheezing behind her.

“All right, I deserved that,” he said when he could finally breathe again.

“You sure did,” Luke said from behind him. When Ben looked over his shoulder, the old Jedi was eyeing him through one cracked eyelid. He looked amused. “You’ve more than met your match, Ben.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He waved the comment away. “Tell me something I don’t already know.”

\-----

When he arrived in the study room that evening, he was startled to find the wooden conference table on fire and Finn running in circles around the room while everyone else howled with laughter.

“What’s going on?” Ben asked, sidestepping a small, silver ball that barreled past him with a series of agitated beeps.

Maz blinked up at him from behind her enormous goggles. “There’s a malfunctioning droid on the loose.” She gestured towards where the droid was shooting flames at Rose’s ankles while the Social Justice and Animal Rights major leapt around, shrieking. “An AS-5 unit.”

Ben nearly choked. “AS-5? Doesn’t that kind of spell out—”

“Ass,” Poe confirmed. He was the only member of the group still seated, and he looked unconcerned by the flames licking at his boots where he’d propped them on the table. “Believe me, every man in this room has already made that joke.”

“It’s a stupid joke,” Rey said, popping out from the janitorial closet with an enormous bucket. “Very juvenile.” She stalked towards the AS-5 unit, which was now weaving figure-eights around Finn’s feet while he attempted to grab it.

“Yeah, well, not all humor can be highbrow, right?” Poe asked. “And you can’t expect an author to resist low-hanging fruit like that.”

Finn paused in his efforts to catch the droid to send a puzzled glance Poe’s way. “What are you talking about?”

“Nothing.” Poe grinned. “So who’s going to catch the Ass-Unit? Twenty credits says no one does and this entire temple burns down.”

“The entire temple? That’s a bit harsh.” Ben considered. “Twenty credits says you’re the next person to catch on fire.”

“Twenty credits says I’m going to catch this droid right now, and no one catches on fire.” Rey lifted the bucket menacingly. “Everyone stand back.”

The rest of the study group gathered in the corner, watching as she pursued the droid. “You know, AS-5 is an oddly-fitting model number,” Finn said. “It’s the right size, and it is round, just like—”

At that very moment, Rey lunged, bending over while slamming the bucket down over the droid. The move highlighted the muscled curve of her buttocks, and Ben’s gaze zeroed in on her posterior like a laser-guided missile.

“Rey’s ass,” Finn whispered.

Ben’s head snapped up. He glared at Finn. “Why are you looking at her ass?”

Finn rolled his eyes. “Who isn’t?”

“I got it!” Rey shot upright, looking triumphant as she pinned the upturned bucket to the floor with her foot. Inside, the droid thunked around wildly. “Let’s get Professor Chewie in here to tinker with it.”

Rose eyed the conference table. “And maybe put out the fire?”

Ten minutes later, the enormous Wookiee who taught _ Contemplative Basketweaving_, _ Emergency Ship Maintenance_, and _ Unusual Avians of the Galaxy _ had successfully corralled the AS-5 unit, and the conference table was charred but no longer actively on fire.

Snoke was the first to sit back down. He steepled his long, spindly fingers in front of him and stared at Ben with unnerving intensity. “So,” he said. “Now that you’re joining Rey in the debate, let’s talk about your potential for evil, Ben Solo.”

\-----

Ben stood next to Rey on the debate stage, feeling overgrown and awkward in his brown robes. For some reason, these shapeless sacks were considered formal attire by the Jedi, although Ben would have much preferred a sharp black tunic.

Other than being ugly, the robes had another major flaw: they hid Rey’s figure. She was practically drowning in drapery, and Ben resented all that fabric for concealing her magnificent body from him.

“Quit staring at me,” she hissed out of the corner of her mouth as Kaydel and Snap took the stage to riotous applause from the assembled students and faculty. Both Kaydel and Snap, unlike Ben or Rey, were popular on campus. Ben hoped that wouldn’t sway Professor Holdo when it came to determining who had won.

“I’m not staring at you,” he said while very much still staring at her.

She huffed. “You’re lying.”

“Of course. Sentient beings are fundamentally evil, Rey. We’ve gone over this.”

That earned him an eye roll, but her lips twitched, and Ben felt like pumping his fist in triumph.

Kaydel, a young woman who wore her blonde hair in two buns, opened with banal, predictable arguments about ‘compassion’ and ‘cooperation.’ Ben didn’t restrain his eye rolls. Then Snap, an annoyingly jovial, bearded type, jumped in, and the saccharine sentiments got worse. When he said, “It’s a fundamental urge of any sentient creature to seek out others of its kind and form a community,” Ben openly scoffed.

“Do you have something to add, Ben?” Professor Holdo asked.

“I just think it’s a load of Bantha shit.”

A murmur went through the audience. Rey elbowed him, making a little “oof” sound when she hit pure muscle. Undeterred by his lack of reaction, she stamped on his foot.

“An interesting, if underwhelming, counterargument,” Holdo said. “In what way is it a load of Bantha shit?”

All eyes were on him, which was uncomfortable, but Ben also felt perverse pride at having stolen the room’s attention away from the other team. “Not every sentient creature seeks out others of its kind,” he said. “Take me, for example. I loathe other people.”

Kaydel eyed him skeptically. “And yet you’re a member of a study group.”

“That’s different. I’m doing that for entirely selfish reasons.”

“What selfish reasons?”

“Yeah,” Rey echoed under her breath, looking up at him with narrowed eyes. “What selfish reasons, Ben?”

Well, he couldn’t say in front of the entire student body that he really wanted to fuck Rey and would tolerate just about anyone’s company to accomplish that goal. “I want to perform well in my classes so I can graduate early,” he invented on the spot. “Then I can get out of here and back to accumulating wealth and power like the horrible, self-serving man I am.”

“And yet, as a former diplomat, your career was dedicated to bettering relations between people,” Snap said. “If you were truly selfish, you would have chosen to become a dictator or something.”

“Maybe I still will,” Ben shot back.

Kaydel eyed him, and Ben didn’t like the cunning edge to her gaze. The blonde sauntered towards them, and Ben stiffened, unsure what strategy she was employing now. “I can prove sentient beings are fundamentally good,” she announced as she came within arm's reach. “It’s easy. All you have to do is—”

Abruptly, she tripped on her long Jedi robe and tumbled forward with a shriek. Ben reacted instinctively, catching her against his chest. He held her there for a long, awkward moment, wondering what he was supposed to do next.

“See?” Kaydel beamed at the audience. “Even Ben Solo, who loathes other people, reacted compassionately when someone was in danger. Ergo, sentient beings are fundamentally good.”

A few members of the student body shot to their feet and began applauding or flailing their tentacles. Ben froze, utterly shocked at having lost the debate so abruptly. He met Rey’s wide eyes. “Help,” he mouthed.

Her expression became determined, and she nodded once, then stepped up next to him, grabbed the back of his neck, and tugged him into a kiss.

Ben’s head spun as her lips moved over his. Her mouth was soft and sweet, and he was incapable of thinking about anything but kissing her forever and ever until the heat death of the universe. Distantly, he was aware of Kaydel shrieking and hitting the floor as he wrapped his arms around Rey.

She pushed up on her toes, pressing her breasts into him, and despite the heavy layers of their robes, he was holding her tightly enough to feel the curve of her waist and hips. He slipped his tongue between her lips, and Rey’s answering moan shot straight to his groin. He was hard, probably tenting his Jedi robes, but the only thing that mattered was getting closer to Rey. He bent her over backwards, breaking free from her lips to kiss along her jaw—

Someone cleared their throat. Loudly.

With a gasp, Rey pulled away from his embrace. Her lips were swollen from his kisses, her cheeks enticingly pink. She blinked up at him, looking dazed, then seemed to remember where they were and what was happening. She turned to the spellbound audience.

“When I kissed him, Ben dropped Kaydel. His compassion vanished the second his lust took over. Ergo, sentient beings are fundamentally evil.”

A cheer rose at her words, but despite the applause and the tentacles and the “I SHIP IT” sign Poe was waving from the front row, Ben couldn’t focus on anything but the fact that Rey had kissed him. Even when Professor Holdo declared them the victors, he was stuck reliving the slide of her lips over his and the feel of her lithe waist under his hands.

Rey avoided making eye contact when she faced him again. She stuck out her hand. “Good job, Solo.”

Ben slowly extended his hand, very much aware that he was gaping at her yet unable to stop. Rey pumped his hand up and down before dropping it like she’d been burnt. “Well,” she said. “See you at the study group.”

She marched away, leaving Ben behind with a racing heart, a spinning head, and a raging erection.

He was so fucked.


	3. Competitive Calligraphy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wHO aM i? wHAT iS a sTAR wAR?

“I still don’t understand why we have to hike out to the middle of nowhere to see some dead guy’s grave,” Finn grumbled.

“Because otherwise we’ll fail this group project,” Rose said. “And I refuse to stumble through the excruciating process of making a diorama with Snoke again.”

“It’s not my fault you lack imagination,” the tall, sinister-looking alien said. His gold robe fluttered around his ankles, and although he was doing his best to loom menacingly over Rose, it was hard to take him seriously when he was wheezing from twenty minutes of walking uphill.

“You kept wanting more glitter. In a diorama about the dangers of the dark.”

“The dark has a certain _ pizazz_, don’t you think?”

Ben ignored the bickering, focusing instead on Rey’s ass in front of him. Not the malfunctioning droid, which was now officially known as Rey’s Ass (not in Rey’s hearing, of course), but the wonder that was her shapely posterior. She’d taken the lead early in the hike, and he would forever be grateful for that.

She whipped around suddenly, and Ben raised his gaze a second too late. “Seriously?” she snapped. “Do you ever get tired of staring at my ass?”

He shrugged. “Not really.”

“Ugh.” She rolled her eyes and turned back around, her walk transitioning into more of a stomp.

“Remind me what we’re supposed to do in this tomb?” Finn said.

“Meditate on the dangers of the dark,” Rey answered.

It was Ben’s turn to roll his eyes. Meditating on the dangers of the dark was roughly half of the curriculum in _ Light: Better Than Dark? (Yes)_, taught by his insane Jedi uncle. “Yes,” he drawled, “seeing a Sith Lord’s lavishly decorated tomb will surely remind us that there are no benefits to darkness.”

“The point is that he’s dead,” Rey said, “not that his burial had _ style_. He was killed by his apprentice after a lifetime of villainy.”

“Style is important,” Snoke said.

Ben nodded in agreement. “Definitely. All the Jedi Masters are dead, too, and their tombs aren’t nearly as cool as this one is supposed to be.”

Rey huffed. “You’re a pretentious, amoral disaster, Ben Solo.”

“Thank you.”

“It wasn’t a compliment.”

Snoke elbowed Ben in the ribs. “Sounds like one to me. I enjoy disasters.”

Poe watched the interplay with fascination. “I see what's happening," he said. "The hero’s internal conflict is being mirrored externally in other characters.”

Finn shoved his shoulder playfully. “You sound nuttier every day, Poe. I think you’ve been studying too much.”

Poe nodded and hummed a little. “I’ve been pretty busy with my paper on romantic tropes in classic literature and fanfiction. I’m calling it ‘Much Ado About Nutting.’”

“What?” Finn screwed up his face. “Is that supposed to be a reference to something?”

Poe sighed. “Sometimes it’s hard being the only one who sees beyond the veil.”

Ben shot an alarmed glance at Finn, who responded with a shrug and a twirl of his finger at his temple.

At last, the grassy slope flattened out, and they reached an enormous stone building. A frieze wrapped around it, depicting lightsaber battles and scenes of death and debauchery. The door bore an ornamental carving of the Sith Lord himself, a horned being wielding a double-bladed lightsaber.

“Darth Darkus,” Snoke said, gazing at the man reverently. “He was a powerful telekinetic; much like you, Ben.”

Rose snorted. “What kind of name is Darth Darkus?”

Snoke shrugged. “He saved his creativity for the torture chamber.”

Maz eyed Snoke suspiciously. “You seem to know a lot about darksiders.”

They all knew Snoke was a Force user, but no one knew exactly how powerful he was. He wasn’t in _ Force Combat for Fun, Profit, and General Awesomeness, _ so Ben had never seen him in action. Snoke’s only explanation for skipping that class had been “I have people for that.”

“It’s useful to know about the dark side,” Snoke said, sliding a glance at Ben. The rapacious interest in the old alien’s eyes made Ben a little uncomfortable. “How else can you fulfill your destiny if you haven’t seen what both dark and light have to offer?”

“Whatever, I just want to get out of here so I can make shirts for my protest for happabore rights next Taungsday,” Rose said. “You’re all coming, right?”

An uncomfortable silence followed, and then Finn jumped forward to inspect the door. “Oh, weird, there’s no handle. How are we supposed to get in?”

Rey lifted a hand, fingers spread, and Ben felt ripples in the Force as the door slowly swung open. “They probably didn’t want normal people going in there.”

“Hey, who are you calling normal?” Poe demanded. “I will have you know I am exceedingly odd.”

“Me, too,” Maz grumped, planting her fists on her hips. “Do you even listen to half the things I say?”

“Huh?” Poe startled, then looked down at her. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t see you there.”

“I’m short, not invisible,” she snapped. “Chewie’s taller than all of you, and he certainly saw every inch of me last night.”

Ben flinched. “Professor Chewbacca?” How would that even work? Maz probably came up to the Wookiee's knee, and there was so much _fur_...

“Now that’s an image I didn’t need,” Finn muttered, clearly on the same page as Ben.

Poe made an impressed noise. “That’s an image I definitely need.”

“Come on,” Rey said. “Let’s explore the tomb.”

Darth Darkus’s tomb contained an enormous sarcophagus surrounded by piles of artifacts and offerings. Delicate alabaster vases, obscure weaponry, deactivated droids, ancient tomes… Ben gaped at it all, the history nerd in him thrilling at having so much to explore.

Just then, the door slammed shut, leaving them in pitch blackness.

Ben reached out with the Force, but the door wouldn’t budge. Some dark energy held it shut. “Uh, Rey? Snoke? Can you open it?”

“No,” Snoke said instantly.

There was a moment of silence, and then Rey swore. “It won’t move.”

“Are you kidding me?” Rose asked. “Does anyone have a light?”

“I can use my lightsaber,” Rey said. Then she gasped. “Wait, who took my lightsaber?”

“Since when do you even have a lightsaber?” Ben demanded. “I thought we didn’t get one until _ Lightsabers for Dummies _ next semester.”

“Luke gave it to me. He said it was his father’s. Where in R’iia’s name is it?”

Ben’s jaw dropped in outrage. “He gave you Anakin Skywalker’s lightsaber? My grandfather’s lightsaber? What… that was supposed to be mine!”

“Well, it’s mine now.” Rey’s voice was closer, and abruptly, small hands were patting him all over.

He yelped. “What are you doing?”

“Frisking you, obviously. Did you take my lightsaber because you were jealous?”

“As if I’d ever be jealous of a scavenging sand rat,” he sneered. Rey was hot, but Ben was infuriated that Luke had given her his grandfather’s saber.

“Hey, let’s tone it down,” Finn said. There was a rustling sound, and red light filled the space. He held a slow-burning flare in his hand, and the light flickered eerily over the assembled artifacts. “You probably just dropped it, Rey.”

“I would never,” she said, crossing her arms and glaring at Ben. “It was clipped to my belt. Someone must have taken it.”

“And why did you immediately suspect me?” Ben demanded.

“Oh, I don’t know,” she said, getting in his face. “Maybe because you literally just said it should have been yours?”

“Ooh,” Poe says. “I think I know what’s going on here. Forced proximity. Lust smoldering in an enclosed space.” He bit his lip, eyeing the pair of them up and down. “If the rest of us weren’t here… well, here’s hoping they forget about us.”

Ben glared at the crazy Erotic Literature and Fanfiction major. “Poe probably took it for some weird sex thing.”

Rey spun and stomped over to Poe. “Did you steal my lightsaber?”

He held up his hands and backed away. “Whoa, whoa, no need to bring me into this.” He waggled his eyebrows. “Although I wouldn’t be opposed.”

“I swear to the Force I will end you,” Rey hissed.

Snoke clapped delightedly. “That’s some proper Big Sith Energy!” He studied her, and his voice dropped to a mutter. “Maybe I should rethink my approach.”

“You know who probably took it?” Rose piped up. “Snoke. That robe has deep pockets, and he’s clearly obsessed with Jedi history.”

“Please.” Snoke held up a skeletal hand. “I’m obsessed with Sith history.”

Rey launched herself at Snoke, gripping his lapels in her fists and glaring up at him. “Did you take my kriffing lightsaber?”

“Young fool,” he said contemptuously. “Do you believe me in need of such paltry artifacts to cement my power?”

“What do you mean, cement your power?” Maz asked.

“Oh, nothing.” Snoke grinned, a disturbing sight on that mangled face. “I’m just a nice old man who has no need of a lightsaber.”

Rey released his robe, then turned to glare at the others one by one. “I’ll find out who took it if it’s the last thing I do.”

“Why am I the only one who got frisked?” Ben asked. He smirked at her. “Not that I’m complaining, although you weren’t quite as thorough as you could have been. There’s something roughly the size of a lightsaber hilt in my pants, if you want to check it out.”

“You’re a disgusting pig,” Rey said at the same time as Rose said “Ew” and Poe said “Oooooh!”

“Forget the lightsaber,” Snoke said, brushing past them and heading towards a shelf in the back. “Ben, look. A holocron.”

Ben followed, intrigued. He wasn’t sure why Snoke kept singling him out for attention, but it was better than the constant disdain Rey flung his way.

Snoke stood before a shelf holding various gadgets. In the center, covered in layers of dust, was a small, crystalline pyramid lined with circuitry. “Take it,” he said, gesturing for Ben to join him. “See what wisdom it has to impart.”

“Pyramidal holocrons are usually Sith artifacts,” Maz said, pressing frail fingers to Ben’s elbow. “Be careful where you seek wisdom, young Solo.”

Snoke scoffed. “Ignorance is nothing to be desired. What’s the harm in the boy learning more about the Force, wherever the knowledge comes from?”

“I’m not a boy,” Ben snapped, striding forward and snatching the holocron off the shelf. He turned it over and over, wondering how to open it. Usually there was an intricate locking mechanism that could only be opened using the Force. He closed his eyes and concentrated, feeling the pulse of the object’s power.

“It doesn’t feel that dark,” he observed. Not light, either, but the malevolence he would have expected to emanate from a Sith artifact was decidedly tepid.

“It isn’t?” Snoke’s brow furrowed. “Are you sure?”

Ben didn’t respond, still exploring the object’s energy. He grunted with satisfaction as he discovered the place where an inner dial needed to be manipulated with the Force. The dial spun, and the holocron flickered to life.

“Oie boie!” a holographic Gungan announced from above the pyramid. “Mesa been waiten longo time for openen!”

“Wait.” Snoke lurched forward. “That’s not right—”

“Mesa Darth Bombad,” the Gungan said, waving his lightsaber enthusiastically. The creature wore a dark cloak, but nothing could make him look ominous. “Daysa other Sith no thinken mesa important, so mesa maken dis holocron per proven dem wrongo.”

Snoke covered his eyes with his hand. “I can’t look. It’s too embarrassing.”

“Embarrassing?” Rose asked. “Why would it embarrass you? You’re not a Sith.”

He coughed. “No, of course not. Just secondhand embarrassment. Most mentions of Darth… Bombad… were purged from the Sith records. He was one of Seviss Vaa’s experiments, to see if fundamentally ridiculous species could be converted to the dark. I don’t believe this one ever got beyond petty theft.”

“Mesa luv yous!” the holocron announced. “Yousa be moole apprentice, yesa? Mesa berry bombad at Force levitation.” The Gungan visibly lifted away from the holocron, then cackled. “Dat be moole una skill, but isa hot!”

Rey had approached sometime during the holocron’s monologue. She wrinkled her nose at it. “Did he just say his only skill is Force levitation?”

“He sure did.” Ben flicked the holocron off with another twist of the dial, and Darth Bombad dissipated into nothingness. “This is not the most informative of holocrons, I suspect.”

Snoke scowled at the thing. “That was not what I was expecting to find here.”

“What were you expecting to find?”

“Dark artifacts. Power as black as midnight. Knowledge and irresistible temptation.”

“Why would you want to find that?” Rey asked. “You know what Luke taught us. Dark is bad. Light is good.”

“Oh, yes, of course.” Snoke’s long fingers twitched at his sides, fondling the gold fabric of his robe. “I just wanted to do research for my paper: ‘A Harmless Old Man’s Perspective on the Temptations of the Dark.’”

Rey shook her head. “Look, whatever. We still need to find my lightsaber and get out of here. Which one of you idiots has it?”

“Whoa,” Finn said. “That’s some strong language. Maybe you should calm down—”

“Calm down? Calm _ down__?_” She stormed up to Finn and jabbed a finger into his chest. “That is the most precious artifact at this school! It’s Master Luke’s family legacy!”

Ben coughed. “And _ my _ family legacy, which you keep conveniently forgetting.”

She ignored him. “Whoever stole it needs to confess this instant or I swear to R’iia I will find a way to get each and every one of you expelled from this school.”

“Fine!” Ben roared. “You want us to find your lightsaber? Let’s find your kriffing lightsaber.” He knocked a series of books off the shelf, then rummaged through a pile of statuettes. “Is it here? Maybe here?” He picked up a ceramic vase, tipped it over so a flood of dust poured out, then smashed the vessel on the ground. “Force knows we can’t let Luke’s precious star pupil lose the weapon she had absolutely no right to in the first place!”

“Oh, shut up.” Her eyes burned in the red glow of the flare still fizzing in Finn’s fist. “You’re the one who decided to go into politics, then lied about your qualifications. Why do you deserve Anakin’s lightsaber more than me?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe because he was my grandfather? Just because you don’t have a family doesn’t mean you can steal someone else’s.”

She flinched, and Finn and Rose gasped. Poe sighed. “You’re backsliding, Benny boy,” he said. “Don’t forget you’re in a redemption plotline.”

Rey’s lip quivered. “You—you—piece of Bantha dung!”

“You would be familiar with dung,” he retorted, “since you spend so much time kissing Luke’s ass. You love being the golden girl, don’t you? Which leaves me the role of the villain, naturally.”

“Yessss,” Snoke hissed.

“You _ are _ a villain,” Rey said.

He stepped closer to her, until he could feel the heat radiating off her skin. She had to tip her head back to maintain eye contact, but she didn’t retreat. Her pupils expanded as he leaned in.

“Keep telling yourself that, sweetheart,” he said, low and furious. “It’s easier than acknowledging that you’re part of the problem. You’ve been treating me like shit since I got here. Does it make you feel good, putting me down all the time? Accusing me of being a liar and a thief?”

“Are you?” she asked, baring her teeth at him. “A thief?”

“For the last time, I don’t have your_ fucking lightsaber! _” Ben shouted the last words, and they echoed in the dark mausoleum. Silence fell.

Just then, Finn’s flare flickered out.

In the dark, all he could hear was the rasp of Rey’s breathing. He wanted to shake some sense into her, or maybe force the truth into her stubborn head via her lips. If he kissed her hard enough, would she believe him?

“I guess it doesn’t matter, though,” he said softly, bitterly. “Just like everyone else, you’ll see what you want to see. You’ll judge me without bothering to learn a single thing about me and find me guilty of crimes I’ve never committed.” He huffed, a dark almost-laugh. “I suppose that’s the good thing about low expectations. When there’s nothing to live up to, there’s no one to disappoint.”

Her breath hitched. “Ben…”

“Why not call me Monster, instead? Keep it simple.”

“Oh, shut up.” Her hand landed on his chest, then fumbled up to his neck. She yanked him down, smashing her lips against his. He made a shocked noise, then tugged her against him, kissing her furiously. She returned his intensity and then some, biting his lip almost hard enough to draw blood. Ben moaned and bent her over backwards, caging her in with his body, letting her feel his size and strength as he ravaged her mouth. Anger and passion merged into a burning need so hot he thought he might explode.

“Um…” Finn’s voice came from somewhere in the inky blackness. “Are they still fighting?”

“It doesn’t sound like it,” Rose said. “In fact, it sounds like—”

Poe clapped his hands. “A turning point in the relationship! They’re exploring the fine line between love and hate while revealing emotional vulnerabilities. Oooh, this is getting good.”

Snoke made a disgusted noise. “You say ‘good,’ I say ‘unnecessary and distracting when a man has a dark destiny to fulfill.’” He clapped his hands. “Stop it, you two. We need to get out of here.”

Ben pulled back from Rey reluctantly. Their ragged breathing merged, and then Rey sighed, a soft, pretty little sound that Ben wanted to hear in his bed. “He’s right,” she said. “We need to get out of here.”

“I’m trying the door again,” Snoke said. “Since that holocron was decidedly _ not _worth locking us—I mean, getting locked in for.” It cracked open instantly. “Oh, look at that.”

When Ben reached out with the Force, the malevolent energy that had held the door shut was gone. Snoke blinked beside it, the spill of light making his robes gleam and casting sharp shadows under his cheekbones. “I guess this old man’s still got it,” he said with a cackle.

Rey looked lost as her gaze moved from the door to the sarcophagus and back. When her eyes fixed on Ben’s again, they were sad and pleading. “I can’t go back without finding the lightsaber,” she whispered. “Master Luke will be upset…”

“It’s okay.” Ben rubbed her upper arms comfortingly. “We’ll find it.”

“I don’t get you two,” Finn said, shaking his head. “You went from screaming mad to cozy in, like, two seconds.”

Something burst into flame at the back of the tomb, where the old droid carcasses were, and a series of beeps and screeches heralded the abrupt appearance of a familiar silver ball droid. It careened towards Finn, flaming arm extended.

“Kriff! It’s Rey’s Ass again!”

Rey’s head whipped around. “_What did you say? _”

“Uhh…” Finn looked between her and the oncoming droid with panic. “Nothing, nothing at all—oh Maker, what is that?”

A brilliant blue beam shot up from the droid’s metal claw, accompanied by a familiar _ vwooooom _sound. “My saber,” Rey cried. “The droid took my saber.”

“Rey’s Ass is the culprit!” Poe clapped excitedly. “Now that the mystery has been solved, it’ll be much easier to resolve the sexual tension.”

“Poe, stop babbling about sex and help me,” Finn shouted as he ran in zig-zags around the tomb with the droid in hot pursuit. “This thing apparently hates me.”

“Here.” Rey stepped forward and froze the droid in place with the Force. The saber flicked off, then wafted over to Rey. When it was in her hand again, she clutched it to her chest, stroking it and cooing at it like a beloved pet.

“Nice Force levitation,” Ben said, trying to suppress the surge of jealousy at seeing her holding his grandfather’s saber. “Darth Bombad would be proud.”

Her lips twitched, and then, for the first time ever, Rey actually smiled at him.

Maybe getting locked in a tomb wasn’t so bad, after all.


End file.
